One simple step to finding your identity again

By Bridgette Petrino | empowerment

Jun 27

One Simple Step to Get Your Identity Back

Moms: We have work to do

The survey results are in. I talked to dozens of moms at this point. And although I’m not really surprised, just seeing the results is kind of sad. When did we go from confident women to women who feel guilty so often and have a lack of confidence and loss of identity? What are we teaching our children? Why do we allow judgment of each other, and ourselves?

Do we really want our children to feel guilty when they say no, and feel like they always have to say yes? And question their every decision? It needs to stop.

We used to be confident women who did things for fun, had friends, went out, spent time doing the things that we love to do. Then we had kids and all that stopped. And we lost ourselves. And we’re just moms.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mom. I am not downplaying being a mom. I fought to become a mom. We battled infertility and I lost a baby. I know being a mom is part of my purpose and I don’t take that for granted.

But I’m not just a mom. When I was just a mom and nothing else I struggled. Now that I’m other things in addition to mom… my marriage, my kids, my relationships are all drastically improved. I don’t feel that weight anymore.

Invest in Yourself

The survey results are still coming in. And I am loving reading every single one of them. I’m praying for every woman on that list. And I want to help all of you. A few of the women who responded to the survey are doing great. That’s awesome! But the majority of the moms that I surveyed are struggling. 

Let’s start supporting each other today. Let’s stop feeling guilty today. Let’s say yes to ourselves today. Let’s say no to something we don’t want to do today.

Many of us feel like we’ve lost a piece of our identity. I have a simple solution for you: invest in yourself.

Take 5 minutes for yourself. Do you like to wear makeup? Then do it. Do you have a favorite necklace? Wear it. I stopped wearing jewelry completely for a while because I just didn’t think it was worth my time. Yup – I didn’t think I was worth the 10 seconds it took to put on a necklace. Now, I wear jewelry because I like my jewelry. I even wear some of my little charms to bed sometimes just because it makes me feel good. It’s not about looking beautiful but feeling beautiful.

Some of the women I surveyed said that what they enjoyed doing for fun was working out, reading, and being crafty. But, most women wrote that they either, never or hardly ever took time to do these things.

I can relate. I was you. But, trust me, invest 15 minutes into yourself and read a couple pages of a book or go for a quick run or whatever. You are worth it and your whole family will benefit. Do that more often than “hardly ever.” Maybe even daily!

Some results

The number one answer for favorite time of day: when kids are sleeping (either bedtime or nap-time.) This was not a multiple choice answer either. Over 50% of those surveyed answered with this response. What this tells me is that we aren’t taking enough time for ourselves. And, I know that by the time our kids are in bed we are exhausted. So, the time we saved for ourselves is whatever is leftover at the end of the day. Which probably isn’t much.

The least favorite time of day was mornings, consequently. Because most of us are just battling fatigue.

I asked moms to fill in the blank. If I had more BLANK, I would BLANK. Most moms said something like if I had more time/money I would go on vacation more, work less, etc. Many of these answers were little things that really didn’t sound impossible. It might take a little extra effort to figure it out, but why not do those things? Your life is now not tomorrow.

Enough is Enough

I know you love your kids. You don’t have prove that to me or anyone else. Make yourself a priority again. Without feeling guilty.

Share this message with someone who needs to hear it. Tag another mom in the comments. And stay tuned because I have some really big things planned for us. If you aren’t already a member, sign up for the community. I want to get to know you, hear your story, and help you. Because enough is enough.

What do you think of these survey results?

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About the Author

Bridgette is Founder and CEO of Mommy Needs a Timeout. She empowers moms to reconnect with their identities OUTSIDE of being a mom, without the guilt.

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